“I know exactly what you’re going through.”
This last year of life, I have found myself realizing how little I can truly share in people’s joy or understand the depth of people’s sorrow. Even if I myself have had similar experiences, or have walked alongside others with similar circumstances. Every significant life event has its own set of personal challenges and experiences, unique environment and relationships, and distinct personalities, mindsets, and maturity that produce a unique and personal event. While we may share similarities in our experiences, the best way to put it is that everyone has unique snowflakes… there are no two that are exactly the same. In the last 10 years I have had the opportunity to walk into a room filled with joy at the sight of new life. I have six kids! I know what becoming a dad for the first or sixth time looks like and feels like; what I don’t know are all the nuances surrounding that moment of birth for someone else. Was this moment something they had been praying for and finally got, or did it happen as soon as they hoped for it? Were both individuals ready to become parents, or was the couple split on the decision? Was the family of the couple supportive, or were they encouraging them to wait? What are the relational dynamics of the household? Were there any complications, or did the pregnancy go full term without any issues? This is just one example of a moment that I would define as a celebration. I have also had the opportunity to walk into a hospital room minutes after someone’s mom passed away. Even though I have not experienced that personally, I can’t even begin to imagine the depth of that loss. But here are some things that will cause that significant moment to be unique to them than anyone else’s. Was there a close bond, or a lost relationship? Was the parent young when the loss took place, or were they more advanced in age? Was the loss expected, or unexpected? Were there answers taken to the grave of difficult questions or life events? What were the last words said, and did it bring comfort, or did it yield pain? Was the person a follower of JESUS, or do the loved ones have to wrestle with the potential that they may not be in a better eternal state? That’s just scratching the surface of things that create very unique experiences. Unfortunately, what can end up happening is that rather than just walking alongside people, we either stay away because we don’t know how to respond or relate; or we respond out of the pool of our personal or relational experiences with, “I know exactly what you’re going through!”. But here is the truth, as much as we may share similarities, truth is, we don’t fully understand! Proverbs chapter 14, verse 10 lays it out this way…
“Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can fully share its joy.”
-Proverbs 14:10 NLT
No one can know the full extent of someone’s joy or sorrow. There is the old saying, “You can't understand someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes.” And while you can understand what it’s like to walk in their shoes, the path we we walk may differ in terrain. And the terrain is what makes each experience different. But here is the beauty… the Bible doesn’t call us to evaluate each others experience and understand the nuances of each others pain. There is only One Person who is able to understand the depths of our hearts and experiences, who has also experienced the mundane workings of the human life; and HIS name is JESUS (Hebrews 4:15). Romans chapter 12 verse 15 simply encourages believers to… “Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep.”. We don’t need to know exactly what others are going through, we don’t even need to fully understand, we just need to walk alongside each other, and rather than trying to comfort with our experiences (which is not a negative thing), start by simply rejoicing or mourning knowing their experiences are unique and they just need someone to celebrate or cry with.
